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Nicole Fergesen

September 26, 2019

Never Alone – Be Still Ministries

Thoughts have been swirling in my brain these past few days. This past weekend was so therapeutic, so healing and inspiring. I was invited to spend the weekend with other young widows. Widows in their 30’s and 40’s with young children, just like me. It was painful, but also a special sort of wonderful to know that it wasn’t just me. I am not alone in this crazy and challenging journey.

I met a few women with my traditional super exuberant “nice to meet you!!” and quickly followed by “actually, terrible to meet you.” Because the reality of how and why we were all meeting was so painful. There were stories of husbands who were lost in plane accidents, cancer, suicide, drowning, and a whole lot of heart issues (Jesus… Jesus.).

God was there in a way that could almost not be explained. There was so much hurt. So much pain. So much healing.

But God. But redemption. The panel of amazing widows offered insight of their journeys beyond the fresh moments and months through grief. Their stories of survival and how God has sustained them and their babies through this treacherous journey. It wasn’t so much the fact that they all have their “after” (remarried), more like they have made it through the fire. And another marriage was just another perk that God gifted to them. These women were four, six, or twenty years past when their husbands had passed and unanimously agreed that they ALWAYS will be grieving. Their husbands will always be a part of their lives, and they will always love them. He will always be the father of their children. It was so nice to see others honor and respect that, as I have been doing, and want to do for the rest of my life. It was just so good to see that I am on the right path. I am following Jesus and that has carried me through this journey. And My trajectory is one of strength and healing, as it should be. God will use me, use my story, for His glory and to help others.

A daughter of one of the mentor widows sat at the front of the room on Saturday. Through tears she exclaimed how much she loved her daddy, but her first thoughts as a child wasn’t of sadness, it was of her mom’s strength. She was only 18 months old when her daddy died, so too young to even remember him. Just so heartbreaking. But to see this gorgeous young lady, so smart and put together, talk about how God is GOOD and how He has worked it out for good, was just so encouraging. My kids will be OK. I will be ok. I am doing a good job, by God’s grace, and we have an incredible story beyond this.

We discussed how to deal with child grief with a counselor, stories of other widows who have since been remarried, finances, dating, and all of it. There are a lot of dynamics that come with being a widow beyond the fact that our husbands died. It is honestly so complicated and there is one million things that come with being a widow aside from the fact that our husbands died. It is work. It is really hard. It is a lot to manage.

Honestly, it was comforting just simply being in a room with women who know exactly what I have gone through. Or, women have gone through it and have seen success beyond it. I could sit next to these women without saying a word, and I know their story. They were me. I was them. I know their pain and I have felt the intensity of crazy emotions.

Being a widow is now a huge part of my life, but it will not negatively define my life. I won’t let this stop me from living. I will let this be a catapult to how I should be living. Let it strengthen me and give me tools and empathy that I could never had before to the same degree.

God allowed this to happen. And God will reveal to me why. I pray I see that in this lifetime. I pray that my children see success and health, not forever be in the mindset of sadness that their daddy isn’t here. He won’t be here to help them with homework or to walk them down the aisle. But he is in Heaven with Jesus and they have the most supportive cheerleaders than anyone else in this world. They will be advocates for Jesus. They will know their daddy. Because I won’t stop talking about him. And none of us ever should.

Here are some pictures from the retreat! Most I borrowed from the girls there…. I am SO bad about taking pictures!

  • All the lovely young widows
  • We were spoiled with gifts!
  • Our amazing leadership team
  • Poolside worship at Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s house
  • Delicious indulgence
  • My roommates for the night!
  • Rachel is such an incredible lady and in inspiration in so many ways
  • Brittany Price Brooker has been a huge light in my journey.
  • So thankful to finally have met this sweet lady!
  • Charcuerie plates are my love language
  • Had to sneak in a couple runs in the south!
  • Gina and I in downtown Franklin
  • Franklin is seriously the cutest spot
  • Love me some Gina! Glad she let me crash her place for a few nights
  • Peaceful poolside reading
  • Hitting up downtown Nashville! We still got it, girls!

Thank you to everyone who made this trip possible! Thank you to the mentors, Rachel, Brittany, Ginger, and Paige. Thank you to Be Still Ministries for making this whole thing possible. It was so valuable, so refreshing, and I feel so recharged and inspired. This is a group of ladies I will value forever. Thank you, Lord.

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Hey There!

About Me
I am Nicole Fergesen, mama to four, new Iowan and part time New Hampshire girl. I believe in Jesus, live on coffee, and love functional fashion. I also dabble in home design and relentlessly find beauty in everything. Wife to Dustin, widow of Marcus, blending a family and finding grace in the journey.

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nicolefergesen

We heard the heartbeat again today 😍 there’s We heard the heartbeat again today 😍 there’s nothing more miraculous and humbling than the creation of life. It’s such a precious gift from God! I can’t believe we are almost halfway there... and we haven’t thought about a single thing to buy for the baby 😅 we need to get on that since we don’t have anything anymore! AND we find out the gender in two weeks 🎉 
I’m bad about sharing updates on my actual feed so I’m trying to get better about that 🤣 We are working on a secret super fast weekend bedroom makeover for the E2 room, so make sure you keep watch on my stories! And our bigger renovation projects start in about two weeks 😱 All the things!! 
http://liketk.it/3915D photo by @bekahlee33 #liketkit @liketoknow.it #bonusbaby #heartbeat #partyofseven #bigfamily #blendedfamily #bump #midwestliving #iowalife #baby #genderreveal #happylife #godisgood #homerenovation #renovation #home
Life's so unpredictable And things might not be go Life's so unpredictable
And things might not be goin' my way
But it's gonna be a good day
Though things are goin' sideways
I got a smile on my face
And nothing's gonna bring me down
'Cause I know
Whatever happens, He knows
He'll never leave me alone 
I'll be okay
And it's gonna be a good day

Good Day by @strivetobe 

Our new school commute party song! Let’s have an amazing day everyone! 

Shop similar outfit here: http://liketk.it/38W1F Photo by @bekahlee33  #smile #happy #goodlife #positivevibes #positivelife #itsagoodday #ighappy #getit #liketkit @liketoknow.it #carparty #godsgotthis #heisable #motivateme #midwestliving #iowalife
Life is crazy, hard, chaotic, and messy. And there Life is crazy, hard, chaotic, and messy. And there’s no one in the world I’d rather do it with. Love you @dfergesen. 

Photo by @bekahlee33 #beautyinthechaos #embracethejourney #blended #lifeisgood #loveyou #secondchance #midwestliving #transplant #beautyforashes
When you see dad for the first time (since that mo When you see dad for the first time (since that morning) 🥰 #kidpile #handsfullheartfull
We are dedicated to raising good humans in our hou We are dedicated to raising good humans in our house. That means lots of time devoted to explaining what it means to have good character and how to be intentional with our choices and thoughts. @crafting_character was so kind of gift us the Grateful Gobbler, one of many award winning character developing systems for children. I was pleasantly surprised at the kids’ excitement and attention to the stuffed animal, book, and activity prompts. We are a few days into our activity but I can see a difference in their perception already, changing their mindset to gratefulness for even the smallest things. That makes me so proud as a mom! It’s also been a good reminder for me to slow down and look for all the blessings in our lives. Sometimes things get so fast and hard we forget how good we really have it! I encourage you to check out all the character traits at @crafting_character and begin the process of instilling solid character in your children. Check out some of our behind the scenes in my stories 😆

#craftingcharacterseries #raisinggoodhumans #characterbuilding #raisingarrows #fun #values #character #kidswithcharacter #grateful #gratefulhearts
Always and forever, Valentine. I couldn’t be mor Always and forever, Valentine. I couldn’t be more thankful for you, my best friend, amazing husband, and fantastic father. Love you more and more every day ❤️ 
@dfergesen
Valentine’s Day is almost here! It’s a wonderf Valentine’s Day is almost here! It’s a wonderful day to celebrate ❤️love❤️, but also a bitter reminder for those who are single. I want to encourage you to remember those who are widowed and mourning their partner, or those who are single and grieving the lack of a relationship. I wrote some ways you can make those single people feel seen and special on a day they’re probably feeling lonely and sad (check it out through the link in my profile). I challenge you to choose one or two single people in your life to bless on this holiday and fill their day with love too ❤️ http://liketk.it/389TG #liketkit @liketoknow.it #valentinesday #valentine #valentines #youngwidow #singlesday #youareloved #youarenotalone @neveralonewidows #neveralone #loveyou #grieving #griefjourney #celebratelove
I’ve never done an introduction before, so I fig I’ve never done an introduction before, so I figured now was a good time with some new followers here 👋🏼 
I’m Nicole! I’m a newly remarried widow, blissfully married to my second chance, @dfergesen, mom of four (and one on the way!) and I’m a professional excited person with way too many passions. I thrive on chaos (hello five kids!) and my goal in life is to lift up and inspire others, regardless of our circumstances. We moved from New Hampshire to Iowa last summer, so life in the Midwest is new to us! This is a journal of our crazy life, love after loss, blending a family, renovating a home, sprinkle in some fashion, Jesus, child grief, and the joys of life. Talk about a clear niche, right? 😆 you can shop my fashion and home favorites here: www.liketoknow.it/nicolefergesen. I also lead a virtual Bible study, so if you’re interested in that let me know and I can give you details! 
Nice to meet you! Share a little about yourself below 👋🏼👇🏼

Shop here: http://liketk.it/374Zu 

Photo by @bekahlee33 #positivevibes #positivity #thankful #findthegood #instagood #liketkit #ootd #outfit #passionate #positivity #nicetomeetyou #momlife #momstyle #intro #midwest #midwestliving #transplant
“Every day may not be good, but there is somethi “Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day.” We can always find something to be thankful for, no matter our circumstances. What glimmers of hope have you found today? Share below! ✨👇🏼

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8

Shop my outfit here: http://liketk.it/3755z Photo by @bekahlee33 #positivevibes #allthingsthroughchrist #thinkonthesethings #positivity #thankful #findthegood #instagood #happy #happylife #joy #gratitude #keepyoureyesup #hope #philippians #philippians48
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nicolefergesen

We heard the heartbeat again today 😍 there’s We heard the heartbeat again today 😍 there’s nothing more miraculous and humbling than the creation of life. It’s such a precious gift from God! I can’t believe we are almost halfway there... and we haven’t thought about a single thing to buy for the baby 😅 we need to get on that since we don’t have anything anymore! AND we find out the gender in two weeks 🎉 
I’m bad about sharing updates on my actual feed so I’m trying to get better about that 🤣 We are working on a secret super fast weekend bedroom makeover for the E2 room, so make sure you keep watch on my stories! And our bigger renovation projects start in about two weeks 😱 All the things!! 
http://liketk.it/3915D photo by @bekahlee33 #liketkit @liketoknow.it #bonusbaby #heartbeat #partyofseven #bigfamily #blendedfamily #bump #midwestliving #iowalife #baby #genderreveal #happylife #godisgood #homerenovation #renovation #home
Life's so unpredictable And things might not be go Life's so unpredictable
And things might not be goin' my way
But it's gonna be a good day
Though things are goin' sideways
I got a smile on my face
And nothing's gonna bring me down
'Cause I know
Whatever happens, He knows
He'll never leave me alone 
I'll be okay
And it's gonna be a good day

Good Day by @strivetobe 

Our new school commute party song! Let’s have an amazing day everyone! 

Shop similar outfit here: http://liketk.it/38W1F Photo by @bekahlee33  #smile #happy #goodlife #positivevibes #positivelife #itsagoodday #ighappy #getit #liketkit @liketoknow.it #carparty #godsgotthis #heisable #motivateme #midwestliving #iowalife
Life is crazy, hard, chaotic, and messy. And there Life is crazy, hard, chaotic, and messy. And there’s no one in the world I’d rather do it with. Love you @dfergesen. 

Photo by @bekahlee33 #beautyinthechaos #embracethejourney #blended #lifeisgood #loveyou #secondchance #midwestliving #transplant #beautyforashes
When you see dad for the first time (since that mo When you see dad for the first time (since that morning) 🥰 #kidpile #handsfullheartfull
We are dedicated to raising good humans in our hou We are dedicated to raising good humans in our house. That means lots of time devoted to explaining what it means to have good character and how to be intentional with our choices and thoughts. @crafting_character was so kind of gift us the Grateful Gobbler, one of many award winning character developing systems for children. I was pleasantly surprised at the kids’ excitement and attention to the stuffed animal, book, and activity prompts. We are a few days into our activity but I can see a difference in their perception already, changing their mindset to gratefulness for even the smallest things. That makes me so proud as a mom! It’s also been a good reminder for me to slow down and look for all the blessings in our lives. Sometimes things get so fast and hard we forget how good we really have it! I encourage you to check out all the character traits at @crafting_character and begin the process of instilling solid character in your children. Check out some of our behind the scenes in my stories 😆

#craftingcharacterseries #raisinggoodhumans #characterbuilding #raisingarrows #fun #values #character #kidswithcharacter #grateful #gratefulhearts
Always and forever, Valentine. I couldn’t be mor Always and forever, Valentine. I couldn’t be more thankful for you, my best friend, amazing husband, and fantastic father. Love you more and more every day ❤️ 
@dfergesen
Valentine’s Day is almost here! It’s a wonderf Valentine’s Day is almost here! It’s a wonderful day to celebrate ❤️love❤️, but also a bitter reminder for those who are single. I want to encourage you to remember those who are widowed and mourning their partner, or those who are single and grieving the lack of a relationship. I wrote some ways you can make those single people feel seen and special on a day they’re probably feeling lonely and sad (check it out through the link in my profile). I challenge you to choose one or two single people in your life to bless on this holiday and fill their day with love too ❤️ http://liketk.it/389TG #liketkit @liketoknow.it #valentinesday #valentine #valentines #youngwidow #singlesday #youareloved #youarenotalone @neveralonewidows #neveralone #loveyou #grieving #griefjourney #celebratelove
I’ve never done an introduction before, so I fig I’ve never done an introduction before, so I figured now was a good time with some new followers here 👋🏼 
I’m Nicole! I’m a newly remarried widow, blissfully married to my second chance, @dfergesen, mom of four (and one on the way!) and I’m a professional excited person with way too many passions. I thrive on chaos (hello five kids!) and my goal in life is to lift up and inspire others, regardless of our circumstances. We moved from New Hampshire to Iowa last summer, so life in the Midwest is new to us! This is a journal of our crazy life, love after loss, blending a family, renovating a home, sprinkle in some fashion, Jesus, child grief, and the joys of life. Talk about a clear niche, right? 😆 you can shop my fashion and home favorites here: www.liketoknow.it/nicolefergesen. I also lead a virtual Bible study, so if you’re interested in that let me know and I can give you details! 
Nice to meet you! Share a little about yourself below 👋🏼👇🏼

Shop here: http://liketk.it/374Zu 

Photo by @bekahlee33 #positivevibes #positivity #thankful #findthegood #instagood #liketkit #ootd #outfit #passionate #positivity #nicetomeetyou #momlife #momstyle #intro #midwest #midwestliving #transplant
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