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Nicole Fergesen

December 17, 2019

A Letter to my Children

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I hope you know how incredible you are.

That if you have survived this, survived this year, that you can do anything. Even though you were so young, you’ve endured one of the hardest things any person would have to go through. And you ROCKED IT. You aren’t perfect and we all struggle, but you are tough. You are so strong. And we are this awesome team now, an unassailable foursome, that cannot be shaken. You will persevere through whatever life hands you. You will find a way. You have, and you will.

You know hard, you know sad, and you know pain.

But you also know our God is big and how big He provides. And I will forever talk about how amazing you are and how much I appreciate who you are in light of something so devastating. The hard times won’t break you. They will make you better in so many ways. Life is tough, but so are you. Life will never be the same, but you have learned to take your hurt and use it to help others. You are stronger, dauntless, more capable, more passionate, and more loving.

I will forever tell you how people were SO good to us when we were hurting and needed time to figure life out, and how we will always give back generously to others because of how we were treated. We have experienced true abundant compassion and empathy and will bless others with the same. I will tell them that even though your heart hurts so badly, how you can still raise your hands and worship our big and mighty God because He is WORTHY.

I will always thank you for giving me grace, because I am not perfect and this was (and still is) difficult to navigate. And I am so thankful that God gave you to me because you are the biggest gift that your daddy could have given me.

I will remind you that life will not go the way you planned. So stop planning. Live your life every day with purpose and intention, and allow God to lead and direct you. And when things change, make the best of it! You are not the captain of the ship, but it is your ship and you need to put the work in. Be sensitive to His leading. Listen. Pray.

Get. in. your. Bible.

I will always tell you to embrace life fully. To not avoid hard conversations, to stick up for the ones who can’t speak for themselves, and to help the hurting. You should always stand up for what is right, even if it means a more difficult path. Doing the right thing is always worth it.

I will remind you that life is meant to be lived and lived passionately, because we know first hand how short life can be. Not all days will be good days, but you can use everything you have experienced to make yourself better. I will remind you to keep your eyes up always and make it a habit to focus on all the good in your life. You can control your mind, and you can control how you react. Life won’t just happen to you, you make life happen. Don’t wait for something, GET IT. You are not a victim, you are a warrior.

I will tell you how powerful you are. How your voice will influence those around you, and you have the power to choose if it will add value to the world or bring it down. I will tell you that no one has the ability to tell you your worth besides yourself, because God tells us that you are so wonderfully made. You are known, and you are loved. And you need to believe that with all of your heart. No person can fix you, heal you, or complete you. Only God can do that.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t, or that you should be anything but yourself. Because there is only one of you, and you have a purpose and reason for living.

No matter how hard life is, it will go on.

It will get easier. And maybe harder too, but you can get up and take the next step. You can do more than you think. And you are capable. Make the best of every situation. Allow yourself to process and reflect, but don’t let yourself be brought down. Surround yourself with people that will encourage and inspire you. Make good choices, ones that your future self will thank you for. Don’t be afraid of failure, because that isn’t a thing. There are only opportunities for success or opportunities to learn from.

I hope you know just how proud I am of you. I would never have chosen this path for you, a path that is so hard and so complicated for someone your age. But I know that this will grow you and allow you to become someone who has so much courage and so much empathy. You, my darling, are destined for greatness. God has some big plans for you. I hope you always see the incredible person I see, a person with such unbelievable potential that you have no choice but to influence others with every step you take. You will change the world. I hope you see it too.

  • photograph by Nicole Baas

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Posted In: Babies, Faith, grief, Uncategorized · Tagged: brave, breathe, child grief, Christian, christian widow, courage, empathy, fearless, God, grace, grief, grieving, inspire, jesus, letter, love, strong, widow, widower

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Hey There!

About Me
I am Nicole Fergesen, mama to four, new Iowan and part time New Hampshire girl. I believe in Jesus, live on coffee, and love functional fashion. I also dabble in home design and relentlessly find beauty in everything. Wife to Dustin, widow of Marcus, blending a family and finding grace in the journey.

I WANT IN

nicolefergesen

“How can you possibly love two men?” It’s a “How can you possibly love two men?”

It’s actually not as complicated as you’d think. You see, they are two completely different people. Our relationships are entirely unique and independent from each other. 

It’s like when you have children. When you have the first you can’t comprehend how you could possibly love another as much. And then you have another child, and you realize that it’s just a totally different love. You’d never choose one child over another. Your relationships are unique and special. 

The same with my late husband and my new husband. 

I didn’t choose for my relationship with Marcus to end. And I wouldn’t have met Dustin had I not lost him. 

I love Dustin with all of my heart. And yet, my love for Marcus hasn’t changed one bit. 

The love isn’t competitive. 
It’s deep, meaningful, and sacred. 

And I find myself just overwhelmed with thankfulness. God has been so good to me, and what a gift it is to love such wonderful men! 

If you’re in a similar position and curious how you could even consider loving someone new, there’s no harm in exploring. Our hearts are capable of so much, and we were created to love and be loved. 

And it’s a beautiful thing. ❤️

#loveafterloss #chapter2 #loveneverdies #youngwidow #lovestory #thankful #griefjourney #godisincontrol
I struggle enjoying the in between, the incomplete I struggle enjoying the in between, the incomplete phase while striving toward the goal. With patience. And with our house specifically, we bought it knowing it would need a ton of work. In the four months we’ve owned it we have made a HUGE dent in our project list, just not a lot “completed.” (And the kitchen remodel begins in just over two weeks!! 👏🏼). But good things take time, and I need to remind myself of that.
So here’s a list I created to help myself slow down and be patient with the process of making our house a home (bookmark to reference!):

•  Focus on one thing at a time. Little improvements. 
• Have an end goal in mind, but if budget or time doesn’t allow, try and complete a small area so it feels like something is being accomplished. 
• Try and reflect on what you HAVE done. While the project list seems endless, checking some things off the list will let you feel a sense of accomplishment. (ex., this room we’ve removed wallpaper, added texture, painted, removed curtains & blinds but still need new floors, art, nightstands, pillows & more). 
• More time developing a space means it will look more collected and special, rather than new and lacking character. Patience will pay off! 
• The longer we take, the more we know what we like and will work. And editing is part of that process!
• Don’t be afraid to buy the wrong thing. Design paralysis is a real thing! Buy it, try it, and if it doesn’t work, try something different. Relieve the pressure from yourself to make the perfect choice every time. Or, if you see something you like, grab measurements and “see” it in a space (see above! The painting I feel in love with is just slightly too large, but I needed a visual to confirm.)
• A house will never be truly done. It will develop over time, as needs change. So stop thinking you’ll reach a point of “done.” 

I hope this helps people who are in the same boat as me and eager to reach the finished product!
 http://liketk.it/3cTaM #LTKhome @liketoknow.it #home#progressoverperfection #onethingatatime #enjoythejourney #dreamhome #renovation #diy
ICYMI- I talked on Wednesday about an exciting new ICYMI- I talked on Wednesday about an exciting new addition to the blog- a monthly newsletter and GIVEAWAY! If you want exclusive updates (not spammy, promise!) then subscribe through the link in my profile. Maybe I’ll even share what I’m pondering about gazing across the water here 😂 I’m giving away two books to a new subscriber chosen at random, a copy of Streams in the Desert and my late husband’s book, Let the Socks Lead. Giveaway ends April 14.  http://liketk.it/3cpx2 photo by @bekahlee33  #liketkit @liketoknow.it #giveaway #subscribe #youngwidow #leadership #streamsinthedesert #ootd #spring #outfit #newsletter #midwest #midwestliving #midwestblogger #iowa #iowalife #lovemylife #dreambig #grief #homeblogger #fashionblogger #griefblogger #family #loveafterloss #alifeworthliving
So you’re pregnant! Congratulations! Pregnancy i So you’re pregnant! Congratulations! Pregnancy is magical and such a gift, but there are certain realities that come with growing a human inside you. Whether this is your first pregnancy or sixth, I have rounded up some of my pregnancy favorites, items that have gotten me through the first two trimesters comfortably! Most are non maternity (read: will last beyond pregnancy!) and won’t break the bank. Bookmark this post, then go to the blog (link in profile) to see the whole list and why I chose each item! 

Also, this target dress 👌🏼 http://liketk.it/3cnBX #liketkit @liketoknow.it #LTKbump #LTKunder50 #LTKwedding #maternity #pregnancyfavorites #bump #bumpstyle #target #targetstyle #spring #springdress #pregnancybasics #firsttrimester #secondtrimester #pregnancy #bumpdate
Swipe for the before ➡️ We bought our home at Swipe for the before ➡️ We bought our home at the beginning of December and got right to work renovating the space! We started with simple but big impact projects like painting the hearth room and eat in kitchen area and removing allllll the tan (see my stories for a laugh!). We have a long way to go, but this was a fantastic start and brightened up the whole space! My wrists still haven’t recovered from all the painting I’ve done already 🤣
Color: Alabaster by @sherwinwilliams 
Photo: @alvarengaart 
Sources: http://liketk.it/3ckww #liketkit @liketoknow.it #home #homerenovation #reno #dreamhome #paint #targethome #target #alabaster #white #whitepaint #springprojects #sherwinwilliams #bestwhitepaint #bestwhite #mostpopularwhite #beforeandafter #dreamhome
1. My due date is four months from today 😱 And 1. My due date is four months from today 😱 And today I experienced my first mention of my pregnancy from a stranger 😆 This pregnancy is FLYING by! 
2. This Easter was the first in my life I’ve gotten a tan. Thanks, Iowa! 
3. I only just discovered I have seasonal allergies. Maybe they are a new thing for me, or I’ve never noticed. Dustin pointed it out and let me tell you, I’m not a big medicine person but allergy meds are AMAZING. 
4. The exterior siding of our home is getting painted this week! Check out my stories for some insanely beautiful progress 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
5. How many loads of laundry do you do a week on average? I think I am at about 12 😱 #familyofsix
That’s all my random thoughts for today 🤣
I linked my favorite pullover!  http://liketk.it/3ceiv #liketkit @liketoknow.it #random #laundry #allergyseason #pregnancy #bumpdate #tan #randommusings #adayinthelife #homerenovation #progress @abercrombie #smile #spring #momlife #happylife #iowalife
He is risen 🙌🏼 http://liketk.it/3c506 @dfe He is risen 🙌🏼 

http://liketk.it/3c506 @dfergesen #heisrisen #eastersunday #family #blendedfamily #chaptertwo
SMILE. Can you name three things that make you hap SMILE. Can you name three things that make you happy? We have so much to be grateful for. I’ll go first in the comments 👇🏼 

http://liketk.it/3bM0d photo by @rachelwhitephoto #thisisthegoodlife #dreambig #lifeisanadventure #liketkit @liketoknow.it  #outdoor #getoutside #kids #family #smile #happy #grateful
Don’t wait. Don’t wait to host until your hou Don’t wait. 
Don’t wait to host until your house is perfect.
Just open your home and be available. Be Inviting. Embracing. It will never feel like the perfect timing, like your house is not decorated well enough, or is clean enough to invite people in, but the memories made will supersede any hesitation. Love will work it all out. They’ll remember the conversation, the gesture, and the kindness of simply letting them enter through your threshold. 

Our home is still a construction zone and the amount of events in one month has been crazy (gender reveal, Elliott’s birthday, my birthday, Scarlett’s birthday, Easter, hosting friends from out of town, on top of the ongoing renovations). Instead of saying no, we are inviting friends into our home just the way it is. It’s chaotic, messy (literally sawdust on the ground for the gender reveal 🤣), and very imperfect, but that’s much like our life, right? We are constantly becoming better versions of ourselves. Sometimes we need to let others into the messy parts because we all have them. And that’s where the connection lies- the messy. Because we are all human, and there’s no point in pretending our lives are any more polished than they really are. Truth is, life is crazy and we are all doing the best we can!

I wrote a post (link in profile) all about our simple Easter dinner plans! I included recipes, shopping lists, tablescape ideas, and tips for hosting a stress free holiday. Is there someone you can invite over this Easter? Think of the people in your lives, and maybe there’s someone who doesn’t have a place to go. Show them the love of Jesus just by letting them in ❤️AND if you made it this far, I linked the new version of this blouse which is an all time favorite! http://liketk.it/3bEn3 and links to the tablescape http://liketk.it/3bD7j photo by @bekahlee33 #liketkit @liketoknow.it #dontwait #easter #justlove #loveothers #bethelove #showthemjesus #openthedoor #jesusisthereason #lovebig #love #eastermenu #tips #advice #midwestliving #iowablogger #midwest #midwestblogger
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Simple Easter Dinner - Recipes, Shopping Lists, Tablescape Ideas, & Tips for Hosting a Stress Free Holiday
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nicolefergesen

“How can you possibly love two men?” It’s a “How can you possibly love two men?”

It’s actually not as complicated as you’d think. You see, they are two completely different people. Our relationships are entirely unique and independent from each other. 

It’s like when you have children. When you have the first you can’t comprehend how you could possibly love another as much. And then you have another child, and you realize that it’s just a totally different love. You’d never choose one child over another. Your relationships are unique and special. 

The same with my late husband and my new husband. 

I didn’t choose for my relationship with Marcus to end. And I wouldn’t have met Dustin had I not lost him. 

I love Dustin with all of my heart. And yet, my love for Marcus hasn’t changed one bit. 

The love isn’t competitive. 
It’s deep, meaningful, and sacred. 

And I find myself just overwhelmed with thankfulness. God has been so good to me, and what a gift it is to love such wonderful men! 

If you’re in a similar position and curious how you could even consider loving someone new, there’s no harm in exploring. Our hearts are capable of so much, and we were created to love and be loved. 

And it’s a beautiful thing. ❤️

#loveafterloss #chapter2 #loveneverdies #youngwidow #lovestory #thankful #griefjourney #godisincontrol
I struggle enjoying the in between, the incomplete I struggle enjoying the in between, the incomplete phase while striving toward the goal. With patience. And with our house specifically, we bought it knowing it would need a ton of work. In the four months we’ve owned it we have made a HUGE dent in our project list, just not a lot “completed.” (And the kitchen remodel begins in just over two weeks!! 👏🏼). But good things take time, and I need to remind myself of that.
So here’s a list I created to help myself slow down and be patient with the process of making our house a home (bookmark to reference!):

•  Focus on one thing at a time. Little improvements. 
• Have an end goal in mind, but if budget or time doesn’t allow, try and complete a small area so it feels like something is being accomplished. 
• Try and reflect on what you HAVE done. While the project list seems endless, checking some things off the list will let you feel a sense of accomplishment. (ex., this room we’ve removed wallpaper, added texture, painted, removed curtains & blinds but still need new floors, art, nightstands, pillows & more). 
• More time developing a space means it will look more collected and special, rather than new and lacking character. Patience will pay off! 
• The longer we take, the more we know what we like and will work. And editing is part of that process!
• Don’t be afraid to buy the wrong thing. Design paralysis is a real thing! Buy it, try it, and if it doesn’t work, try something different. Relieve the pressure from yourself to make the perfect choice every time. Or, if you see something you like, grab measurements and “see” it in a space (see above! The painting I feel in love with is just slightly too large, but I needed a visual to confirm.)
• A house will never be truly done. It will develop over time, as needs change. So stop thinking you’ll reach a point of “done.” 

I hope this helps people who are in the same boat as me and eager to reach the finished product!
 http://liketk.it/3cTaM #LTKhome @liketoknow.it #home#progressoverperfection #onethingatatime #enjoythejourney #dreamhome #renovation #diy
ICYMI- I talked on Wednesday about an exciting new ICYMI- I talked on Wednesday about an exciting new addition to the blog- a monthly newsletter and GIVEAWAY! If you want exclusive updates (not spammy, promise!) then subscribe through the link in my profile. Maybe I’ll even share what I’m pondering about gazing across the water here 😂 I’m giving away two books to a new subscriber chosen at random, a copy of Streams in the Desert and my late husband’s book, Let the Socks Lead. Giveaway ends April 14.  http://liketk.it/3cpx2 photo by @bekahlee33  #liketkit @liketoknow.it #giveaway #subscribe #youngwidow #leadership #streamsinthedesert #ootd #spring #outfit #newsletter #midwest #midwestliving #midwestblogger #iowa #iowalife #lovemylife #dreambig #grief #homeblogger #fashionblogger #griefblogger #family #loveafterloss #alifeworthliving
So you’re pregnant! Congratulations! Pregnancy i So you’re pregnant! Congratulations! Pregnancy is magical and such a gift, but there are certain realities that come with growing a human inside you. Whether this is your first pregnancy or sixth, I have rounded up some of my pregnancy favorites, items that have gotten me through the first two trimesters comfortably! Most are non maternity (read: will last beyond pregnancy!) and won’t break the bank. Bookmark this post, then go to the blog (link in profile) to see the whole list and why I chose each item! 

Also, this target dress 👌🏼 http://liketk.it/3cnBX #liketkit @liketoknow.it #LTKbump #LTKunder50 #LTKwedding #maternity #pregnancyfavorites #bump #bumpstyle #target #targetstyle #spring #springdress #pregnancybasics #firsttrimester #secondtrimester #pregnancy #bumpdate
Swipe for the before ➡️ We bought our home at Swipe for the before ➡️ We bought our home at the beginning of December and got right to work renovating the space! We started with simple but big impact projects like painting the hearth room and eat in kitchen area and removing allllll the tan (see my stories for a laugh!). We have a long way to go, but this was a fantastic start and brightened up the whole space! My wrists still haven’t recovered from all the painting I’ve done already 🤣
Color: Alabaster by @sherwinwilliams 
Photo: @alvarengaart 
Sources: http://liketk.it/3ckww #liketkit @liketoknow.it #home #homerenovation #reno #dreamhome #paint #targethome #target #alabaster #white #whitepaint #springprojects #sherwinwilliams #bestwhitepaint #bestwhite #mostpopularwhite #beforeandafter #dreamhome
1. My due date is four months from today 😱 And 1. My due date is four months from today 😱 And today I experienced my first mention of my pregnancy from a stranger 😆 This pregnancy is FLYING by! 
2. This Easter was the first in my life I’ve gotten a tan. Thanks, Iowa! 
3. I only just discovered I have seasonal allergies. Maybe they are a new thing for me, or I’ve never noticed. Dustin pointed it out and let me tell you, I’m not a big medicine person but allergy meds are AMAZING. 
4. The exterior siding of our home is getting painted this week! Check out my stories for some insanely beautiful progress 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
5. How many loads of laundry do you do a week on average? I think I am at about 12 😱 #familyofsix
That’s all my random thoughts for today 🤣
I linked my favorite pullover!  http://liketk.it/3ceiv #liketkit @liketoknow.it #random #laundry #allergyseason #pregnancy #bumpdate #tan #randommusings #adayinthelife #homerenovation #progress @abercrombie #smile #spring #momlife #happylife #iowalife
He is risen 🙌🏼 http://liketk.it/3c506 @dfe He is risen 🙌🏼 

http://liketk.it/3c506 @dfergesen #heisrisen #eastersunday #family #blendedfamily #chaptertwo
SMILE. Can you name three things that make you hap SMILE. Can you name three things that make you happy? We have so much to be grateful for. I’ll go first in the comments 👇🏼 

http://liketk.it/3bM0d photo by @rachelwhitephoto #thisisthegoodlife #dreambig #lifeisanadventure #liketkit @liketoknow.it  #outdoor #getoutside #kids #family #smile #happy #grateful
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